I didn’t know I was lost..

After Daddy had gone, without me knowing I had fallen into a million pieces just as if you would drop glass or a mirror and it just shatters into so many pieces. Everyone around me couldn’t recognize me anymore from the inside. I looked the same, a little more pale but the same. Friends used to call me the laughing cow because of how bubbly and joyful and also because of the fact that I laughed at absolutely everything.

People, family, friends didn’t know me anymore, I had become my own new person, changed in every way possible. I went through the years thinking nothing was wrong with me, nothing has changed, I’m fine. When I told people I was fine, I was only but lying to me, myself and I.

Skin like snow white, pale like pure white paper, body like those trees in Winter, those thin, fragile trees, like I was a snake who had just shed 10 layers of skin off, my eyes sinking in like an object in space falling into a black hole, my voice…scarce.

 Until that week. One question that everyone had been asking all week. “Who are you?”. Which didn’t quite click in till I was home alone one day and had nothing to do so I sat and thought, and thought….

I had gone through years thinking I was fine, I was alright, nothing wrong but I was really just a young girl lost in a big world trying to find myself again…

(Craig Van Der Walt – You were put to rest, because God only takes the best)

 

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2 thoughts on “I didn’t know I was lost..

  1. Hi Amber – it’s hard to lose the ones we love – as diabetics we are often more in-tune with our bodies & minds than others, we know about fragility, even though it scares us. I wish I had been able to write as you do when my mum & dad died – I’m certain it’s a good thing to do. Contemplating what you don’t really want to think about brings a certain wisdom & understanding – others can see this as an inner strength – don’t be afraid to show your weaknesses with those you love & trust. Sure they’ll let you down (but you already know that), but it’s important to be vulnerable too. I love your blog Amber, keep it up. Laird (your friend on TU Diabetes)

    • Thank you so much 🙂 means a lot. glad to know someone has interest in my writing and feelings, I agree 100% on what you have said. im really sorry for your loss. its hard.. have a good day, chat soon

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