Too young for love

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I get told often that I will find love or my prince charming or “the one” one day when I’m much older, when I have experienced life a little more, when age has been a little more on my side, when I have met more people, experienced more people, or when I’ve travelled a little…

But, what if I have, what if I have found my prince charming? what if I have found love? What if I have already experienced a lot already?

Love, true love has no criteria behind it, every love between two people is different ion every couple, each couple’s definition of love is different, we all have our own, and our own opinion on it.

You know that gut feel that you have when doing something, that you just know in your heart and mind that this is the right thing to do, I am doing the right thing? well I have that feeling…

There’s no explanation for it, explaining it is like trying to explain the taste of water. It can only be seen or felt between him and I. I just know, he’s the one for me. Every new feeling I get with him that I have only ever imagined me having in dreams tell me.

So many signs have told me he is the one, he is my prince charming… All starting from that moment I met him, okay I wasn’t that sure when I met him but when I did meet him I knew he was different from any other guy I have ever met. Just looking hopelessly into his big brown eyes that tried to tell some sort of story, perhaps of his life, his background, where he was from, his flaws, his best qualities, and so on, everything that made who is today…

The second time I saw him, that moment he touched my hand, I very well knew that I had never felt like that when someone, when  a guy had touched my hand. His hands were so soft like those fluffy teddy bears, they were so warm like a there were some form of built in heater, when he touched my hands I just had this big rush through my body, this warm rush, this loving rush.

A few weeks, month or two had gone by now and we finally went on our first date. I had been on a few dates but this one was different and I could feel it in my tummy because my tummy was going wild with butterflies, as if those butterflies were like those gym guys on steroids!! I was nervous, my cheeks were red before I left my house to meet him there.

When I placed my eyes on him as I got out the car, he just looked handsome as ever, 10/10 for style and all. His hair styled just the way I like it, his clothes, all just stood out like sun on a winter day. When he opened his mouth and spoke, that sweet, handsome voice that just brought my ears to heaven at that very moment. That made my body go all warm and all those fluffy warm feelings exploded and I am pretty sure that he saw all the expression of love and happiness in my face.. I knew this because he had asked me “babe are you going to explode…?”

The food there was great although I could hardly taste what was going in my mouth because I was staring at him, his muscular body, those big brown eyes, his stylish thick dark brown hair, another one of the many things I adore about him. Focusing as well on his voice, the sound that brings me to peace and my heart at ease.

For some reason he seemed so nervous but he kept blaming it on some thing he had the next day to do with work but my gut feeling told me otherwise, but I let it be and thought it will come out when it does.

He started talking… and mentioned things about us, and our love and what we had, and so on, then that question that struck me like a lightning bolt, that had rushed through my body, my smile was actually hurting my cheeks I was smiling so much, face felt warm and I thought I had been blushing, I had a warm sense come over me, and after my answer I was officially his.

I was and am still sure that I haven’t felt anything like this or on that night with anyone else but him. I feel amazing around him, I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not, I can be my absolute weird, mad, crazy, random self for once. Whenever I see him, I get these warm butterflies in my tummy and a huge smile in my heart. So many things that I have never felt with a guy but only ever saw in movies and my dreams. He makes me feel like a princess, like there’s only one special girl in his life which is me.

Love has no right time, right age, right place. Love is sneaky and can crawl up on you unexpectedly like it did  to me in the most amazing, unusual way.

He makes me feel rich but not in money, in things money can’t buy…

-Eben.N & Amber.R

 

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I didn’t know I was lost..

After Daddy had gone, without me knowing I had fallen into a million pieces just as if you would drop glass or a mirror and it just shatters into so many pieces. Everyone around me couldn’t recognize me anymore from the inside. I looked the same, a little more pale but the same. Friends used to call me the laughing cow because of how bubbly and joyful and also because of the fact that I laughed at absolutely everything.

People, family, friends didn’t know me anymore, I had become my own new person, changed in every way possible. I went through the years thinking nothing was wrong with me, nothing has changed, I’m fine. When I told people I was fine, I was only but lying to me, myself and I.

Skin like snow white, pale like pure white paper, body like those trees in Winter, those thin, fragile trees, like I was a snake who had just shed 10 layers of skin off, my eyes sinking in like an object in space falling into a black hole, my voice…scarce.

 Until that week. One question that everyone had been asking all week. “Who are you?”. Which didn’t quite click in till I was home alone one day and had nothing to do so I sat and thought, and thought….

I had gone through years thinking I was fine, I was alright, nothing wrong but I was really just a young girl lost in a big world trying to find myself again…

(Craig Van Der Walt – You were put to rest, because God only takes the best)

 

he’s gone…

He’s gone…Where to? a unknown world neither one of us knows of, but only the extinct and diseased, a world maybe where there’s no more pain, no more heart break, no more abuse, no more rape, no more murders, maybe a place where there is only happiness, love and peace within every living being.

Daddy hadn’t been feeling too well for what seemed like a few weeks, and me at the age of 12 years did think much of it. Daddy and I still played computer games together and watched movies, he laughed and so did I, nothing out of the norm.

It was during the week, a fantastic day had past, coming home from aftercare at school, my friend took me home. As we pulled up onto the drive way I saw my mom which was unusual, daddy and her had divorced and she never really came over so seeing her really played on my mind till she spoke to me. Curious me asked what was going on and she had told me daddy is a little sick and has been rushed to hospital.

The thoughts that rushed into my mind were bizarre, I couldn’t bare to think that my daddy might be gone, so I just kept positive thoughts and told myself day after day after..each single day that he’s going to get better soon!! I went to visit him. When I saw him his tanned face had vanished, looking like the colour of the inside of my school books, white. It had seemed as if he had ran a marathon, out of energy.

Days went by and nothing happened, he was still in hospital, it had been two weeks now and no result. My mind at school and anywhere I went was in another dimension, another planet, any other planet but in the one I was standing in. Nothing was the same without my daddy by my side. I had even missed the times he used to shout at me because my sugar level was too high (I have type1 diabetes), I missed him and it was the dearest pleasure to see him when I did, wishing that time with him never ended, wishing I could freeze time and spend it with him. My hero.

It was Friday and I had been announced at school that I was a sub leader in cheerleading which made me so very happy. The Principal of my school then let me phone my daddy to tell him, so I did. I phoned him, he sounded a bit tired but said he felt better which just made my Friday. In my mind I was so certain that he would come be discharged from hospital and that I would have a weekend back with my Daddy, playing computer games, building big sand castles on the beach, all that jazz. Well what I didn’t know was my weekend wasn’t going to be anything similar.

So Daddy wasn’t coming home but I still kept my head up and positive, weekend went by so fast. It was Sunday, my sister and I for the first time were getting along. It was a hot day, just like most of them on the South Coast of KZN, South Africa. Crystal, clear blue skies, my sister and I were splashing each other, pushing each other into the refreshing cold pool. We were having such a blast, making the most of our Sunday.

Mom had just gotten back from where I had no idea at the moment, she had this serious look on her face which was odd, she was always full of jokes, even when she was upset she never had this look on her face. Her blood definitely had a race to her cheeks, her cheeks were red and eyes were shot out, wide open. She said they called her to the hospital, that they and news for her. She said daddy had a serious disease and needed to go to another hospital fro a certain machine which at the time sounded like an alien space craft called a dialysis. She said daddy didn’t make it in time. I had a confused look on my face and in my head. So she carried on talking, those two words that just sank my heart into my stomach. “He’s gone..” “dead..” she said..

My world had crashed into a million pieces but not all together, I didn’t believe my mom, I didn’t really take in what she had said until it had been a year, then two years and then three, and so on. here I was forcing laughter’s, faking smiles and it got me..he really is gone, he really isn’t coming back. No more funny movies where we laugh from our tummies, no computer games, no amazing sugar-free cake made, ect..

He’s really </3

Living with Type 1 diabetes..

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People look at you as a normal person, people with type 1 or 2 diabetes don’t look any different from when they or I wasn’t a diabetic. Yes my tummy has gotten a little swollen from all the injections. I thought I would share my story and my life living with type 1 diabetes.

It all started one sunny day on the coast of Durban. My parents watching Grand Prix, and me at the age of 5 years old playing beside them. The symptoms had started a few days before it all happened, but no one noticed, even me. Got more thirsty, went to the bathroom more often, got tired way faster etc, but it never came to anyone’s mind especially mine, what can I say, I was only 5 years old.

I suddenly fell to the ground for what had happened which no one knew but I had gone into a diabetic comma. Mom and dad rushed me to the hospital, doctors and doctors stuck needles in me left, right and center , glucose drips and all which was all killing me even more, but they thought I was dehydrated. Trying to shove coke and all sorts down my mouth. My 5 year old body laying there slowly about to leave this place that we call planet earth. I saw that big, shiny, white light, bright in my face. As I lay there, doctors not knowing what to do or what was really wrong with me, that moment my gran stepped in and screamed at the top of her voice, “test her sugar”. She told me she, the only one had suspected something was up in the past few days, the change in my mannerisms and the things I used to do, etc.

They tested my blood sugar level, as they saw the result, they ripped the drips out of me and put a saline drip in me which causes blood sugar levels to drop which is what I needed to stay alive, my sugar levels were rocketing to mars!! and at that moment, Amber Rose, me, at the age of 5, was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.

Every day of my life I have to stick 5 injections in me, if not more if my blood sugar levels rise. Yes its been 13 years now that I’ve had Type 1 diabetes, but every injection does hurt as it plunges into my skin leaving behind a mark. I have to poke my fingers with a needle daily to check my sugar levels are okay.

I look around me every day and see people eating these ridiculously amazing treats such as crème brulee or a white chocolate cherry cake etc, all these things I wish I could have without any worry in the world when I take a bite, yet if I did want it, it would require another poke in the finger and another needle of insulin plunging into my tummy.

With type 1 diabetes I have no clue when I am going to see my last day, no matter how healthy or how perfect diabetic I can be, I could very easily go at any moment..

Type 1 diabetes isn’t something fun and something you must only worry about every few minutes of the day. it’s a full time job, 24/7. But what always keeps me going is asking myself a few questions such as…Do I have cancer? Am I blind? Am I deaf? and the list continues. In a way I think I am lucky I don’t suffer those and many other things which I appreciate..

THINKING POSITIVE!!! 🙂

Marlon Taylor-Wiles

He yanks his partner, drops into a split, strides  across the floor, and then, all soft and sensual, grazes his face on her bare  midriff. In his third season with Armitage Gone! Dance, Marlon Taylor-Wiles has  all the defiance and technical chops that are required of a Karole Armitage  ballet like Three Theories. He also has an intriguingly plush way of  moving through what Armitage calls (drawing from Einstein) “the warping and  twisting of the space-time fabric.” There’s softness in his power.

Taylor-Wiles trained at the Margo Marshall School of Ballet in Houston and  graduated from that city’s High School for the Performing and Visual Arts. He  attended Boston Conservatory on full scholarship, while also dancing in  BalletRox’s Urban Nutcracker, which mixes ballet with tap, hip hop, and  jazz. Other extracurricular notches on his belt: dancing in a Beyoncé music  video and modeling for Elle Italia and i-D Magazine.

After spending the fall touring Europe, the company goes to the Byham Theater in  Pittsburgh March 3, MCA in Chicago April 26–28, and the Yerba Buena Center for  the Arts in San Francisco May 18–19.