How life threatening Type 1 Diabetes gets…

I was on the couch with the love of my life chatting away when I noticed I was feeling EXTREMLY weird, so weird I could barely explain what I was feeling, I feeling so confused!!

Eben (My boyfriend) spoke to me and when he finished his sentence up it had felt like what he said had been said hours ago, way in the past and as if I was just having a flash back of it. I started feeling an emotional effect on me, but I didn’t know what that was, I felt emotional but then I didn’t, then I really did.

I had the weirdest thought in my head repeating itself which, and I don’t really think like this. ‘I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die!’ kept rolling in my head. Out of the blue, so very unexpectedly I burst into tears, but not any type of cry or tears, these were big tears!! As if I had been suffering the loss of someone, as Eben held me tightly those tears still streamed down my face and the thoughts still kept going on and on like a stuck record player.

I had a random thought, ‘let me check my sugar!’. So I asked my Eben to get my glucose monitor, I tried testing my sugar and still feeling as if I were leaving this earth, felt like I wanted to go into a deep sleep and not wake up any time soon and then the numbers popped up on the screen and I couldn’t see and just heard the worry and scare in his voice telling me to look at the screen of the glucose monitor, it was 1.7, as someone of you who don’t know about type 1 diabetes that is a number saying you could possibly be lying on your death bed.

How I was feeling magnified ten times worse!! I was sweating and didn’t realize it, the clock was ticking and I didn’t know what was going on! My mind wasn’t here anymore it had disappeared somewhere, I didn’t know what my body was doing either.

 I told Eben to call my aunt (I live with her), and she came rushing, and could barely see her face or what she was doing. She shoved some syrup down my throat. We checked my sugar again it was exactly the same..1.7. Eben picked me up and rushed to the car with me, on the way to hospital it was. Eben stayed to pack a bag just in case because it was very unusual for this to happen.

My aunt speeding as fast as she  could to get me to hospital, going through red robots, pushing in front of cars, knowing we had to get there fast else there wouldn’t be no waking up tomorrow morning…

We got to the hospital and they tested my sugar and it had dropped even more! It had dropped to 1.5. The doctor put a glucose drip on me right away.

As it slowly went up I started coming back, I knew where I was, I wasn’t as confused. I was very shocked, I never want to feel how I felt like that night. It was scary..

Life really is like a ticking clock, sometimes it ticks faster than normal and you never know when those moments are going to come, or when the clock is going to stop.

The difficulties adn confusions of Type 1 diabetes…

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If you read in my last blog about diabetes you will know I am a type 1 Diabetic and read how it came about with me and took over my life.

I must say type diabetes, don’t know about type 2 but type 1 must be one of the most bipolar diseases there is! One moment as you think okay you got everything under control you get sick and you sugars decide to fly as high as a kite. For example the other day I pricked my finger, tested my sugar and it was 7.2mmol/L then 45minutes later I tested again because I had the small usual symptoms of a hypo, and it was 2.3mmolL… and I was sitting down studying, nothing else.

I ate dinner one night and I always check my sugar just before I eat and it was a good reading and STRAIGTH after I tested and it went to 3.7mmol/L which blew me off my chair!!! Don’t know if that has happened to any of you.

I think a perfect way to describe diabetes is a bipolar pregnant women with no food in the house with mood swings, you just never know what you going to get. you wait fro the next reading, the next pin prick on you finger tips, you watch whatever you put in your mouth and inject whatever does go in your mouth and hope.

That is all you can really do is hope with type 1 diabetes, well and hard freaken work. Though sometimes that hard work gets to you a little bit and you just feel like going to any fast food outlet and buying a huge junky food hamburger but you just cant. That’s what we have to deal with and not fall through the traps, pick yourself up in those hard times and think how you have come this far even if you are just a beginner and carry on, be grateful that you are still alive

Life’s like a ticking clock, you never know when it’s going to stop…

Im low…

i’m low on purchases and my boots are discombobulated, my address remains central. i speed through time extremely, i don’t mean to scribble or subscribe to a certain conglomerate of pigments or neighs. i have gone mad, but who is next to hear against my thorax? to posture my antennas? myself indicates: essential eco toxins, avoiding radiation and fashionable spells. current geographical adverb: somewhere…

An array of emotions…

An array of emotions, distortion . i am and i’m not. i’m censing myself. at the rivers in your sleep, small fires and snow i hide and spin. i spin myself. and the river sparkles, and the bridges flash by and two small animals slide by in an empty hearse. you won’t roll away. sorry, everything has been erased. but it doesn’t matter to him. blue, blue, the small ball will bounce without you and with you. you won’t return. sorry, everything has been erased. and on all the kittens trapped in a nuthouse, like a game of spinning tops start spinning the game. all my love.

Lung of love…

lung of love – leaves me breathless. tongue of fool – lap me in enmity. a four walled secret lies among the hessian, and a flicker of the future could’ve saved the cindered sister. and i’m motioning still they stand inside me and moments until the one i leave.

colourless i kiss his warm forehead, i feel life. lose it in a minute and the ones to come feel too far to care..

Life, chances, the unexpected…

Sometimes in my head at night or during the long hours of the day I think and question in my head…Why did I get diabetes? why do I have to plunge injections in me all day long every day, every month of every year and act every time as if they don’t hurt just so I don’t look weak? why do I have to suffer the loss of loved ones that were so dear and precious to me? why do I have to go through days, months, years not being able to say “Daddy” and maybe only every few months say “Mommy”? Why, why, why all the bad luck?

I always have this line in my head…”Everything happens fro a reason”. I’ve been going through life trying so hard to find that reason. Find that reason to all my questions that expand more and more each solidary day. I would always help people, give them advice, listen to their problems even my friends whom which some were girls about their boy problems and I would also say “everything happens for a reason”. But I never used my own advice or line and just accept that everything does happen for a reason and leave it there. BUT no my mind wanted to know that reason!!!

But then lately I started thinking really heavy about it. About the answers to all these questions. I still have a lot of unanswered questions. A lot of my answers were if that didn’t happen then this wouldn’t be here.

For example the one night I was a bit down and sad, so I decided to go and scroll through Facebook till I found this website, this really cool website. I went on it and registered myself, and went through people and spoke to a few till I came to this specific person that caught my eyes fro what reason I actually have no clue what so ever. So I looked through his profile and he seemed quite the interesting guy. At that moment I was going through such drama with an ex – boyfriend. I decided to ask this guy fro his number, actually think I randomly gave him my number. We started texting each other. I thought he was an okay guy. Didn’t really get to know him, asked him questions but never really read what he was saying, my head was stuck on another stupid ex – boyfriend. But then I deleted that ex out of my life. Then I decided to take a chance, and really get to know this guy by the name of Eben… 

I got to know him, his crazy, whacky, blasting, fun, funny, clumsy, ridiculous, handsome, amazing self that now today I am beyond in love with. Today I am his and he is mine. and I’m planning for that never to change. I just fall more and more in love with him every time I see him and every time we spend more and more quality time together.

Why did I go on Facebook that specific night when I was sad? Because everything happens for a reason. Mine was I had a funny feeling that I should just go on Facebook. But in life some answers, or reasons might not come as quickly or suddenly.

It could so unexpected like how I found love with this guy that to this day I still at times when I think am in shock to how unexpected it was to meet him and form a strong bond with him, to fall so deeply in love with him.

Sometimes in life you just need to stand back and breathe. Dream.Live.Love.Dance.Laugh.Smile! 😀

Eben + Amber Rose

 

TiMe

we don’t have much time, the lights are on us, we could lose our minds, they’re all around us. in these blackened skies, they’re building empires, taking corners blind, turn sparks to ember. run with me, start a revolution, come with me through the dark. as they bring their swords, we will stand to fall, as they try to tear us apart. they shoot to kill, let’s run until… we’re miles away… the arrows fly, but you and i… we’re miles away… out of the line of fire, we stand with hearts on the wire.